


Exponentia

by mia_wir_galvus



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Body Horror, Emet-Selch (Final Fantasy XIV) Being an Asshole, Garleans (Final Fantasy XIV), Lightwarden Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Multi, Other, Pain, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sin Eaters (Final Fantasy XIV), Trans Male Character, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 22:53:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30046017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mia_wir_galvus/pseuds/mia_wir_galvus
Summary: Kiryll Antiqua has failed in his duty as Warrior of Light.After having collapsed shortly after the events of the Keeper of the Lake dungeon, Kiryll receives one final intense flash-forward from Hydaelyn that is so profound that he blacks out and wakes up at the start of Shadowbringers.Due to his lack of support, atop Mt. Gulg, he succumbs to the Light after the defeat of Innocence. With the Light obstructing much of everything else in his mind, the vision he got of Emet-Selch prior to meeting him has his mind transfixed on his grandson. Kiryll can only think of one thing now - to save as many people as he can by taking a can-opener to the Imperial palace and stealing Varis zos Galvus before his vision of Zenos killing him comes true.
Relationships: Raubahn Aldynn/Warrior of Light, Varis zos Galvus/Warrior of Light
Kudos: 5





	Exponentia

Kiryll was alone in the world aside from the Scions. He didn't remember himself anyway. He didn't want to know how important he was in the scheme of things. He wished to remain small and unpivotal instead of being at the center of Emet-Selch's machinations. 

The despair grew in him until he could feel it physically in the pit of his stomach. He choked out his last words in the common tongue to the Scions: "Run, all of you! Please live!" 

He didn't recall if they did as he begged. He remembered begging on command in the streets of Ul'dah for the noblewoman who took him from his mother. He had always been particularly good at centering his own pain and looking helpless and garnering sympathy. He usually only tried to break it out when it was needed or requested. He remembered the feeling of overachieving to please, of being snubbed by his peers at his mistress's manor because he was too obedient, which made things all the more painful when he was on the streets of Ul'dah once again when she was murdered. Friendless, not a penny to his name, only his ability to plead for his life, the shirt on his back and whatever was between his legs that could net him enough gil not to starve for the week.

There was no guarantee his pleas would be answered by anyone. Not even Hydaelyn. He had blacked out shortly after Nidhogg had taken Her gift from him, overwhelmed by the scramble of images that flooded his perception all at once. Nabriales, Moenbryda, Raubahn, Namamo, Varis, Harchefant, Aymeric, Estinien, Lyse, Yotsuyu, Zenos, Elidibus, Emet-Selch, faces he knew and did not yet know flashed before him, the Echo granting him glimpses of their emotions, but no notion of whether they comprehended him at all.

When he awoke after Estinien saved him, he desperately tried to understand that everyone around him were close friends that cared about him, yet he did not feel like he knew anyone personally enough to get up and be their errand boy. He came to love and respect the Scions he came to meet anew in the First, but was terrified of them knowing the whole truth about the gaps in his memory. Would they hate him for it? Not knowing was horrible, but he was too much of a coward to tell them.

The light got caught in his throat and made him vomit. Emet-Selch's triumphant laughter thundered in his ears as he began to change. He had been tenuously interested in what this man was doing and had done, but the main memory of him the Echo had blessed? him with at first glance was that of him chiding his grandson, the look on his face when the truth of how he expected the Empire to function, that everything he was raised to value was wrong. 

That memory stuck in his head like a railroad spike driven through his temples. His own fear, anger and loneliness amplified in Emet-Selch's perfect laughter. He lost normal sight of the world. He felt extra limbs spring from his back, along with six wings. He opened his mouth to scream from the pain but the feeling and sound of screaming were denied him. There was only pain. Pain at the roots of his canines intensified and it told him he now had sharp fangs. He tried screaming again and didn't stop until he could feel his vocal cords vibrating. The light lifted him off the ground and he could feel his limbs being stretched and the flesh from around the center of his chest move until his heart was exposed to the cold, crisp air of Mt. Gulg. 

The cold increased and he could tell he was naked and he panicked, not wanting to be so exposed in front of an enemy who was mocking his pain.

He cried out, and the Light answered by wrapping his body in bandages and a toga. He was wreathed in temporary comfort and thought of all the people he fancied to try to calm his nerves, which helped for a few moments before the shadow of the Echo showed him the face he fancied the most out of all of them, and reminded him of what he had seen that may or may not have been written yet.

He hated himself for it and had told not a single Eorzean soul about what Varis zos Galvus's look did to his heart. Kiryll held Garlemald in no esteem and found all its endeavors and prejudices repugnant. Garlemald was responsible for his family's ousting on the street. Solus's commitment to spreading tyranny was why he was who he was, along with so many other people, though if you were to ask him, it was a whim that turned out to be convenient. 

Anger boiled in his gut again and Kiryll willed his eyes to see. He needed to see what was around him. He demanded it and it came to him, though everything was wreathed with a white-gold glow.

And of course there was just Emet-Selch staring up at him with a self-satisfied look on his face. "You scream so much about someone you don't even know."

When did he say anything? What was he saying? Can he read my thoughts?

The look of confusion on Kiryll's face was plain enough that the Ascian took pity on him. "My dear boy, it seems the thoughts in your heart are now exposed to the world to those who know how to hear them. Thankfully for you, the likes of those are my fellow Ascians and any sin eater fortunate enough to retain whatever is left of their mind, so it is just you and me here."

Thoughts of this man he barely knew and should hate flooded his mind. He's going to die. He was going to die from the start whether or not I did anything. He's going to die and it's good that he dies because if he doesn't die, things for everyone on every shard would be so much worse! Why am I so fixated on him?!

"That's a very interesting question, Kiryll Antiqua. It might be random circumstance, or some kind of feint Hydaelyn is plotting. You know she doesn't reveal anything more than what she needs to." Emet-Selch's look of self-satisfaction twisted into a sneer at the mention of Hydaelyn. 

Shut up, you horrible old ghost!

"Now then, is that any way to talk to the only person who can hear or understand you?"

Kiryll tore off into the sky, flying as high as he could, until he could see the whole of Norvrandt.

Hydaelyn. Hydaelyn must still be able to hear me.

He tore off again toward Nabaath Araeng, where the stopped ocean of light still stood. He could taste the memory of Minfilia's presence there and begged for Her to show mercy, or even a single word.

He got none, save for another urge to wretch. Despite it, he found himself hungering. Not for food, but something else. His stomach growled and he could feel his ribcage uncomfortably. Whether it was actually receding because of the hunger or if it was an illusion, he couldn't tell. No one was there to tell him what it looked like. There were no mirrors. 

Another growl. He was so gods-damned hungry and an unfortunate animal below in the ruins was the perfect morsel. It called to him and begged to be consumed, and he did so, sating himself in an unsightly manner, were anyone there to watch.

Feeling less physically hungry let him wrap himself in comfort again. He curled up to sleep in a dark corner of the mines and the light cloaked him in more blankets, until he was wrapped up tightly in a cocoon not unlike those he had seen first in Holminster Switch.

He cursed himself for not thinking of Raubahn first. He had a vague recollection of their tryst together, the smell of his cologne mingling with the wine, the awkward conversation between the smitten Warrior of Light and the all-too-earnest Flame General. He didn't seem to care that Kiryll was not the same as other men. He had been a perfect gentleman before they ended up rutting like animals, Kiryll bent over and being taken from behind so roughly and just loving it and begging for more.

Kiryll awoke with a different kind of hunger boiling inside of him. There could be no more repeats of that sweet moment with that good man. No. No, he couldn't visit more sorrow upon Ul'dah. But maybe he could go...somewhere else.

He broke out of his cocoon and Emet-Selch was standing there to greet him. "Going somewhere?"

Thinking about it…

"Now where could you go and do the least damage to your friends you could possibly do?"

Garlemald. 

"You don't want to damage the beast you laid with and who liked you, but you're fine damaging the beast you don't know but just want to fuck, because he's just a piece of meat, is it?"

That's a disgusting way to treat members of your own family. 

"You ants have no concept of family. I have seen the pieces of this disappointing idiot swirl the drain of several shards time and again. He's so easy to work up. Before he was sundered, he was quite frightening, I will admit. He's fun to play with so disempowered now. I think he could come to like you if you were able to tear his tiny little mind out of the intricate magitek cage I locked it in. Of course, there is the matter of passive light-poisoning, so you might just need to find a dark-aspected plot of land to keep it back."

Kiryll's anger swirled the air around him physically. "You really just cannot value anything, can you?"

"There has been nothing to value for the last 120,000 years. Only the plan. If it takes another million for it to work, and for all to be one once more, it will be worth all the suffering any of you ants have ever known and been fortunate enough to forget."

"And what of you, Emet-Selch? Will you remember this conversation in a million years and still be just as negative and dismissive and miserable as you are after you've won?"

"You are just a dumb animal begging to keep yourself from being killed. You're barely capable of speech as you are. I will remember and lament the sorry state your Mother put most of you in and take whatever attitude I need to if it brings us to victory."

"How many people have you had conversations with like this?"

"More than you want to know."

Kiryll shifted himself and looked down at him.

"I can feel your thoughts radiating off of you. Be welcome to enter my little wind-up country and steal my dear baby grandson away. You can level a city with a swipe of your wings, and Garlemald will be no different. He has never been truly outside his own culture - I saw to that. Even at his most rebellious, I still made all the rules and controlled every step he could possibly take. When you take him away from his trappings, he won't be the powerful and self-assured man you mistake him for being. Hydaelyn showed you - he is but a child with no minders now that everyone he truly cared about is dead, Garlemald is not the noble nation I told him about when he was but a babe and had no choice but to listen not only to his grandsire, but his government-assigned god."

"You must really want me to eat him, don't you?"

"My sneer is one of absolute delight. Do as you wish, Warrior of Light. When you are tired of trying to deprogram him, come back and see me at the bottom of the ocean in Eulmore. Here, I'll even give you a lift."

A crisp finger snap and he was high above the air above Garlemald. He stood out as bold as the moon in the middle of the night and was immediately sighted and mistaken for an Eikon. Below him, magitek mecha scrambled to assemble and Kiryll had to soar away from where he was transported to plan better.

He spent two days gauging the lay of the land, trying to see if he could find a mirror to look at himself and plotting where he could take him that they could be relatively safe, strategically sound and comfortable. Putting that plan into action would be messy but have to come sooner rather than later. 


End file.
